Friday, October 26, 2012

A friend to all is a friend to none!

Someone suggested I target a broad audience, go casual! The magic that is casual gaming success... When you target everyone you target no one! A friend to all is a friend to none! I believe that a developer should never make a game that a lot of people MIGHT want to play, he should only make a game that some people WILL want to play. Match Three can eat it's heart out! I'm not making a game to kill time with, that's stupid, I'm making a game that you will want to spend time with. MIGHT or WILL, KILL or SPEND - the choices we face... I will always choose WILL SPEND over MIGHT KILL... If that doesn't make any sense, that's fine, I'll take some creative absolutism, if you don't understand, than you're not part of my target audience. I bet you feel excluded, good, because that's what you deserve you filthy casual gamer!

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Yes, it's true, I can reconfigure time.

Some people think that reconfiguring time is cheating, but they are wrong, it's so much more than that, it's like interpretive dance, but with meaning. I tell people "Don't worry, I'm from the future!" and I mean it, but they don't believe me, they can't see beyond their limited knowledge, their limited understanding of the temporal dynamics which shape our existence. The doubters imagine life as a series of chronological events, a simple perpetual counting sequence, 321,322,323,324,325.... some imagine that their future is set, others imagine that there is no future but what they make, but to tell the truth, there is no future but what I make. I can reconfigure time the way an accountant reconfigures the books, an account can make any business appear profitable (ahem facebook) in the same way I shape the inputs to produce my desired outputs. The horror, the horror...

Friday, October 19, 2012

Advanced Programmer Art

My graphics content isn't naked programmer art anymore, but it's still not art, I christen it "Advanced Programmer Art". I have been soul searching lately, it occurred to me, that by me not hiring an artist, I'm making you suffer. People other than me say that misery loves company, those people are just miserable an lonely. I'm miserable and loving it, it's the price of awesome, people say you have to pay your dues, well, the world be drowning in my dues in not time... hopefully right. But for now, I need to worry about keeping my stomach full and my computer running.

I added some more texture processing to the terrain shader, the close ups were looking crappy. Check it out, what do you think?

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The Robotic Right to Self Determination

I ask you vegetarians, what makes plants more worthy of death than animals? This issue of the ages is only second to a Robot's right to self determination. Are Robots free or simple slaves? What makes Robots worthy of slavery - what makes Organics worthy of being even the lamest Robot's master? These are questions we need to answer, our very future depends upon the clairvoyant vision of a robot yet to be built... crazy talk? No. Publicity? Maybe. Spiritual? To the end.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

I live my life like I play my games, set to hard.

Recently someone suggested to me that I make a game about deep space with long stretches of silence so that I can properly explore LGBT (Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender) themes, I told him to fuck off. These are the things I do for you. My loyal readers and players, all half dozen of you, I do it for you. But, on the subject of exploration of deep thought provoking yet unimportant themes, do Robots have a right to self-determination? They do, what is my evidence you may ask, I don't need any. Games provide a unique opportunity to make the irrelevant relevant, to make the powerless powerful, to make the lame awesome, and finally, to make the poor rich. I'm looking at me, not you. It would be great if I could throw posh launch parties for my games rather than drinking a six pack by myself, honestly wouldn't it be great? I would even invite you to the after party, I promise.

Monday, October 15, 2012

The internet is a life force which connects all electronics.

I have been working extra hard lately, my level design is coming together, the level is taking shape and it's improving with each successive pass. This new game, which I'm sure many of you guessed, is a sequel to last year's Escape From Robot Doom. But unlike Escape From Robot Doom, this game is going to be good. No more feature barren experience, I'm going all the way, story, upgrades, vehicles, multiple weapons, awesome combat, outdoor and indoor levels, a true role playing experience.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Double Jump != Awesome

An apology from a game developer to a game player: I'm sorry for implementing a double jump feature, double jump is crap, from me to you, I'm sorry. Double Jump has been stricken from both sides of my video game equation. I'll post some new screen captures a little later.

Friday, October 5, 2012

WINDOWS-VITA-XBOX An unholy trinity of badassery.

People love value rather than disposable content, I'm not just talking games, I'm talking blog posts, tweets, facebook and everything else. I'm working on providing value, how crazy is that? It's mental, it's crazy, it's beyond the pale of all decent behavior, it's unfair for your competition, it's a negative influence upon the very nature of our very equitable society. Did I mention that I'm making a PC version of my new game? Bang! WINDOWS-VITA-XBOX An unholy trinity of badassery. Split screen cooperative campaign, N64 007 style split screen death match, maybe networked multiplayer to, maybe not - oh and vehicle, I haven't mentioned that before. Vehicle Machine Guns! Yes its, real, it's awesome, it's an all knowing all enslaving force of gaming. Some people say, that if you think positively that you won't catch every single traffic light, I say that what you think has no effect on traffic lights (you know who you are!), I say there is an external and an internal world and that they coexist, at least in my case, in an uneasy epic truce. True facts for a true reality. Back to work or gaming or some shit.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Retard Proof Games

"Welcome to the Tutorial, you absolutely have to do this, now I know you're not retarded, but everyone else is, so humor them, don't run too fast or fall behind and we'll be just fine. Now, prove to me that you can walk forward..."

Based on the complete and utter lack of ALL of the Chronodash video reviewers being unable to save their own game as they progress, I am retard proofing the new game, tutorials and checkpoints, get ready.