Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Uptrashing

In the spirit of going back to the basics, and in truly trashy style, I'm going to continue down the path of faking the shit out of my graphics. I named this new production system "Uptrashing", it takes everything everyone likes about games and compresses them into a single unified production architecture. But what are the most important aspects about games? The first is a perceived value expected entertainment, the second is a low price point. I'm focusing on these two aspects, high expected entertainment and a rock bottom price point.

Friday, October 29, 2010

What word embodies both sexy and awesome?

There is no one more shallow than a game developer, they obsess over sexy and awesome, they believe that those two simple qualities make a good game. Game's graphic content is disjointed and choppy, the story arcs silly and dull, often because of the average game developers limited understanding of being sexy and awesome. But I have a solution, a one word solution, a single word that embodies the quest to unite both qualities into a single whole. From today forward, my games will share this one word in common. Most of you don't know what I'm talking about, some of you might represent and don't even know it, but what is this magical word which combines awesome and sexy? I'm talking trashy, really trashy, I'm talk tramp stamps, barbed wire tattoos, vaseline hair styles, androgynous tank tops, late base model muscle cars, cigarettes and cheap beer. I'm ribbing my games for generation numb.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

I was thinking about armor made of babies...

There are three types of heros in the world. The first kind is the imaginary hero, the second is the martyred false hero and the third and final is the real hero. A real hero knows that winning isn't everything, it's the only thing. A real hero will stop at nothing to win, he will even make body armor out of babies if has to. A real hero doesn't hide behind a bush, he hides behind a rifle. A real hero isn't a snitch, he's god like.

Anyway, the above is a textual taste of what I'm working on for my next game.

I'm building a better, more masculine, tomorrow.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Way to Win!

After a full year of polling, the results are in!

The Poll question, "Which of my games looks the most exciting?"
Moon Base 2 (66%)
Vietnam 0 (0%)
Car Game 0 (0%)
Your games suck 1 (33%)

I'm really disappointed in my readers, you guys sucks, only three of you voted! I'm sure that most of you are search bots or add bots or some other form of software, so I can't really blame you for not voting. I'm a little sad that no one likes "Vietnam" or "Car Game", I'm a little depressed that 66% of you liked "Moon Base", what's wrong with you? That's almost a puzzle game. However, not all is lost, there is light at both ends of the tunnel, 33% of you demonstrated some real angst by voting "your games suck". I'm feel honored that you cared enough to express yourselves, and even more honored that you felt I was worthy of the truth.

*UPDATE*
Clearly that poll script doesn't work very well, one of the votes disappeared.

I'm ribbed for generation numb.

Some people say that humility is the mark of true greatness... I say lets not be fooled by such nonsense, I say lets abandon all justifications and all rationalizations, lets say what we think and do what we say.

This is my second attempt at this post, I wrote some stuff about god and he got really juvenile and crashed my shit... I can see why it takes faith to believe such things. I was originally planning to post screen shots from the sucky games I made since my last post, but that's a hassle and I don't really care about celebrating failure. So here's the important part from the original message, moon base sucked, it sucked really bad. How bad? Imagine sorting dead obese dogs by hair length and spot density.

So here's the new plan for success. I'm returning to the basics; I'm returning to the violence, the brutality and the anarchy that makes men into boys and girls into wives, I'm talking about a better and more masculine tomorrow.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

It's a special kind of magic...

Imagine a world free of smog, a world free of hate, a world free of plants and animals; there is such a world, it's called the moon and it's our duty to make it more like earth.

I finished up Moonbase's code this week. The below screenshot likely includes the last cosmetic changes.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Press A to experience the miracle of child birth

Sometimes game development feels how I imagine child birth to be. Moon Base is five times the maximum XNA file download size, so I'm working on shrinking file sizes and it feels like I'm using a saw to stretch my

I just discovered this open browser window and I'm not going to pickup where I left off.

Since I wrote the first part of the post, I slimed the executable to just under XBOX Live Indy Games maximum file size.

Earlier I lied about being over screenshots, I'm so not. Here's a new one with the new color scheme for the resource exchange and listed mission objectives.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm living the dream...

I'm making games and kicking ass, that's right, I'm living the dream the hard way.

I'm coming up on the end of Moon Base development and it's a whole lot less exciting than I thought it would be. The game has turned out far better than I had ever imagined or planned, more features, better graphics, actual sound effects... yeah.

Anyway, no screen shots today, I'm beyond that now because the graphics aren't changing anymore.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Stop trying to hit me and hit me.

There comes a day in every mans life when he has to hit someone as hard as he can, my advice to you is that you choose when that day comes.


Here is a video of the new Moon Base main menu.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he expects to wake up.

I came down with a dirty contagious disease which affects the eyes, but I'm back on the wagon and i'm moving faster than ever! I made around fifty procedural moon textures over the last few days and finally I decided upon one. Embrace the new Moon Base terrain!

Monday, April 12, 2010

Retard Steve says, "consensus!"

The best part about working alone is that I get to make all the decisions, there's never a dissenting opinion, never a debate, never any right or wrong, only right - except for when Retard Steve is involved, because right and wrong doesn't matter anymore, because a consensus is majority rule. It sounds like politics doesn't it?

If you live in a Democracy your government is run by a couple really smart people finding consensus with a large selection of dishonest retards. It was planning to write a comparative study of Games by Committee and Government by Democracy, but I'm hungry, so I'm going to go eat some discount Chinese food and draw some sketches for my new game.

I finished up of Moonbase's buildings and I'm working on improving the terrain for the game. Here is today's sample. I'm also taking this opportunity to announce that Moonbase consists of 13 exciting missions!



Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Retard Steve says, "Drink to the life giving animals!"

Last night was an exciting night for me, I had many new dreams.

My first dream was about the unification of the alcohol section and the frozen food section at super market. Where the alcohol and ice cream sections overlapped I discovered boozecream, the ice cream that gets you drunk. Now everyone including you and me, not just fat girls, can feel better by eating an entire carton of ice cream.

In my second dream I was a ninja, a ninja sent fourth to liberate the vacant homes of America from the squatter plague. I would enter a vacant home and lay in the dark waiting, I would wait for as long as it took for a squatter to enter the home, when the waiting ended, I would destroy the squatter using my Ninja shotgun. I literally destroyed the squatters since immortals can't be killed, I separated their bodies into countless pieces which I distributed across the land so that the squatters could never reassemble themselves and occupy another vacant home.

My third dream I was the CEO of a huge game development company, seriously massive, larger than any game development company on earth. I wore a sweet suit similar to the one worn by Sean Connery in Highlander II: The Quickening. The dream was united with a reoccurring theme of my life, I have always imagined how great it would be to have a work force made of clones of me, but these clones would have a better work ethic and sleep less than me. The night dream wasn't as great as my day dream, I only had one clone and he was retarded, but he looked exactly like me and he had a sweet suit exactly the same as mine. My clones clothes and fantastic good looks didn't really make up for him being retarded, but according to my dream ethics retarded Steve should be treated exactly as I would treat a non-retarded Steve clone. In my dream I introduced my new CO-CEO to my existing work force made up of every stripe of nerd and alcoholic womanizer. Retard Steve and I stood together in our matching suits and I instructed everyone to do exactly as Retard Steve says.

In my fourth dream I was a savage hunter conquering the forested wilderness of precolonial North America. It was a delightful dream, I taught myself to make weapons like spears, bows and arrows and small metal daggers, primitive weapons proved incredibly complex, before this dream I had never appreciated the difficulties involved in making the most basic of weapons. As the dream progressed I initiated an animist cult and accumulated a large following of co-believers. We worshiped the animal spirits of the female Deer, the female Skunk, the female Possum, the female Birds... you get the idea... At my command, the cult built a massive stone temple devoted to the female spirits of the animal kingdom, inside of the cult temple we built a giant statue of me, made of natures glue and the ground up bones of the female animals we feasted upon, the statue represented the united spirits of the animals which lost their lives to give us life. Whenever we weren't eating or sleeping, we drank various animal derived liquors and sang glorious songs to commemorate the life giving animals.

Those are all the dreams I can remember from last night.

Today I spent working on Moon Base 3D, NinjaPants says the first 95% of game development is making the game and the second 95% of game development is finishing the game, and I believe it. I finished mapping out the level framework and I added two new buildable structures.

I was planning to post a family portrait of the games buildings today, but I have one more planned building to go, so the family portrait will have to wait tell tomorrow. As for tonight, I hope to be visited again by more inspirational maniac versions of myself.

Friday, March 12, 2010

Let's have an intelligent conversation here: I'll talk, and you listen.

The thing about lies is that most people rather accept lies than confront lies and those same people rather accept the liar than the person who confronts the lie. This behavior is all too common and simply pathetic.

Video games are all about escapism, it's interesting that lying isn't a common plot device, players can lie as often as they want without any repercussions or guilt, I can think of all sorts of entertaining lies which can be used to drive games in countless unpredictable and depraved directions.

Behold Moonbase 3D


Monday, March 1, 2010

It's what plants crave...

I pored myself a glass of Jagermeister and coke until I noticed that I was actually poring myself extra virgin olive oil and coke; then a parallel to game development struck me, most games are mixed with cooking oils instead of booze. Game publishers hold back on the hard liquor because most people don't like hard liquor, most people like lite beer. I was wrong about all commercial games being pillow talking prostitutes, no doubt some commercial games are pillow talking prostitutes, but most games are just lite beer mixed with cooking oil. I'm sure some of you are thinking that you like lite beers, but you're wrong, it's the pillow talking prostitutes in advertising who have convinced you that lite beer is something to drink, but they lied to you, lite beer is pretty much the worst thing to drink, I would rather drink the cooking oil and coke instead. No doubt some of you have now noticed that I already downed my cooking oil and booze, waste not, want not? What does that mean?

Anyway. Soon, everyone, including you, can play my lite beer video game. That's right, you read right, I have been brewing light beer all month, because I know that you, like everyone else, likes lite beer video games instead of hard liquor video games. Why? Because I want your money and the rest of your families money, if I could invent a incredibly addictive drug, I would.

Wouldn't it be great if soda machines mixed soda syrup and booze instead of soda syrup and water? Probably not for you... since you like lite beer... back to drink and back to work.


Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The sensation you are feeling is the quickening.

It may appear that lately I have only been making one post a month; it's true as long as you think small. I make posts in many other vile corners of the internet, posts that the strongest of you couldn't stomach, posts that make both holy men and dictators want my blood and the blood of anyone associated with me for. They are self centered fools for thinking that I'm talking about them, even though I am talking about them, but not as an individual but as a group. They tell us what to ware, what to say, what to eat, what to think, who to hate and who to love. I'm not like them, I tell you what it is, but it doesn't depend on what my definition of is is.

Someone other than you mentioned recently that I might be loosing my mind - I might be losing my mind? Subjectivists aside, I'm not losing my mind; I'm trading my mind and body so that you will understand that there is no distinction, they don't coexist, they are one and the same, you just are. Dualism isn't real, it's very serious talk from very silly people. There are no alternate existences, no parallel universes, no place where your not alone, happy and afraid. There is no place where real men can imagine playing real games for real men but here.

Today is a pretty exciting day for you, at least if you have an XBOX 360. My new game is exciting and I don't mean exciting in the sense of geriatric looking gymnastics fighting. My game is rude and I don't mean in the sense of Reality TV. My game is masculine and I don't mean in the sense of human growth hormone and testosterone junkies. I'm talking solo snuff films, but for games, where you're the one who gets hurt and I'm the one who watches. So get ready and keep your butt puckered, it's going to be a long one.

One month from today, my first pseudocommercial game will be unveiled and it can be yours for money.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

There can be only one.

I have a forum now. It's a pretty exciting place, it's jam packed with exciting forum chatter about exciting forum subjects. It's a forum where all men and no women from every stripe of life can come together and fight, a final Battle Royal for the soul of gaming. Articulate your judgments and ideals in textual form for the generations to follow. We don't owe our future selves anything, but we can sure leave them a message, a unique and disparaging message from the past, filled with vision and angst, filled with desire and denouncement. Take this fantastic opportunity to tell your future self who's boss, tell him that without you, he will never exist. Tell your future self to quit drinking Jack and Coffee, tell him to quit mastrabating, tell him to quit watching TV, telling him to quit reading celebrity blogs, tell him to move out of his moms basement, tell him to quit his job.

Registration is easy and pleasurable, Make an account today and help build a better and more masculine tomorrow.