Sunday, October 26, 2008

The traffic light of life.

You come to a red light at an empty intersection and you stop. You wait for the light to change, but the light never changes, nothing every changes. Eventually you commit to running the red light, to taking control and driving through the intersection. The second you cross the line into the intersection, the red light camera takes your picture with a flash and a click. It's not about enforcement, it's about punishment. Everyone is to afraid to force you to obey the law. Everyone is simply waiting for an opportunity to threaten you into accepting punishment. It's about allowing you through on their own magnanimity, to cross the intersection on the change of a light, the change of an instruction. It's about collectively threatening you into surrendering yourself to collective authority.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Crushing the Box

You find yourself standing in a narrow tunnel. You see two indistiguishable lights, one in each direction. One light is the end of the tunnel, the other is a speeding train. It doesn't matter which direction you start to run, the only diference will be the remainder of your life measured in terrifying minutes. 

Those of you who have crossed the lake and split from the program, will await the train and you will split the train like hot wire through butter. Then you will understand that their is no reason left for you to think outside the box when you can simply crush the box with the presence of your commitment to success.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Burn your bridges

I'm integrating my fourth new rendering pipeline in the last two months.  The game at this very second is unplayable - I forced myself to commit to the new mesh standards and it's requirements. I burn all bridges in both advance and retreat - this commitment to progress limits my options and strengthens my resolve.  

The North Vietnamese spent thirty years losing the Vietnam War and their commitment to victory was rewarded with victory. It's not the thought that counts; it’s your resolve to your ideal.  

If you’re not willing to pay the price of your youth, your future, your love life, your money and your very sanity; then you’re not in game development for the win. I'm six years deep, my resolve is stronger than it has ever been - I'm paying the price and loving it.

Living the game development dream requires real cost saving strategies. For example, homelessness results in a savings of over eight hundred dollars a month! That’s eight hundred dollars you don’t have to earn and time you don’t have to take away from game development. Stop buying fruits and vegetables, fast food joints serve meat, animals eat all the fruits and veggies you need. These cost saving strategies are much more then stop gaps, they are a way of life – just because your homeless doesn’t mean you’re poor!

Quit your job and translate your time into a future of fulfillment!

Friday, August 15, 2008

New heroes for a new tomorrow...

Working harder and faster.

Thursday, July 31, 2008

Your tax dollars at work

Before I split from the program, I worked for the county's department of public works. I had a diagnostics room and it was mine. My diagnostics room was packed floor to ceiling with shelves packed with three ring binders. Each binder was packed with in house created check lists for diagnosing every conceivable problem on all of the county's computer systems. At first I was impressed with what I thought was an incredible resource of problem solving empowerment. I was wrong, the binders were organized by the problem, which would make the binders unnecessary if I knew what was wrong. Which didn't make a lot of sense to me until I discovered that I had to check off and initial each step on the check list. The binders weren't for diagnosing problems, they were for proving that I correctly identified the problem. The binders were my proof that I followed procedure. Fixing simple problems took me hours and I never once had the wrong binder. After work, on my drive home, I would think of new problems I could write binders for, that way I could maintain full time hours and benefits.

Your tax dollars at work.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Syrup Beer

I watched a star fall from the sky and strike a lightly wooded area nearby. It didn't occur to me to look for the meteorite until the following day. I couldn't find it.

Looking for fallen meteorites is a lot like lamenting wasted potential. Imagining you weren't a loser doesn't make you less of a loser. Unrealized potential is probably just a trick your memory plays on you, you probably didn't have any potential to start with.

I saw a green floating orb once. It dominated a valley, casting green light on the surrounding wooded hillsides. It never occurred to make to take a picture. I shrugged it off as lucid dream. A few years later a man told me his story of seeing an green orb at a different location a few miles away, I said nothing. Weird shit.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Real heroes for real men.

A battered woman is not a victim until she embraces victimhood. Leaving her husband isn't victory, it's escape. Injustices committed against you do not make you a hero. Bringing down an insurance company by reporting misconduct is whistle blowing. A whistle blower is still a betrayer no matter the crime reported. Victims and whistle blowers are cowards heroes.

Combating creative autism in video games:
I'm working very hard on making something very different. Therefor to avoid contamination and maintain the creative continuity of the project, I am reimposing the moratorium on screen shots until game play development nears completion.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008


This is a preview, a preview of your future, you can make it your own if your strong enough to split the train named life. I'm providing you a unique oppertunity to live vicariously through me. An oppertunity to live my toil, embrace my disillusionment and experience the futility of independent game development.

Like any true independent game developer, we have no office so we develop at universities student union. It's the summer, and the school is doing freshmen orientation, the kids look so fresh, so healthy, they all think they have a bright future. When the orientation tours come through the union, I have to fight my desire to warn them, to warn that half of them will never graduate from anywhere. They are simply boarding the train named life, they are doomed to a relentless, hopeless and repetitive future. The only difference between education levels is how far forward they ride on the train. You can never reach the front, the train has unlimited fuel, unlimited track, no conductor and it will never ever stop.

Payday enslaves you. Your salary is a bi monthly injection of slavery. Regular reliable paydays keep you on that train named life. The only way to move forward to the nicer train cars is by waiting, waiting for those ahead of you to die and get thrown off the train. Your career isn't success, it's waiting for the people ahead of you to die. Payday is your master.

Once you split from the program, once you step off that train, once you kick that payday addiction; you will be ready to split that train named life. Once split, you will be free, free to create, free to invent, free to build your own train, free to build your own cage. You must build your own tracks, build your own train, be your own conductor and use your soul for fuel. And when you die, your train will careen off your tracks, everyone will watch and no one will care and no one will take your seat.

News from the imaginary front:
Gary is writing a software renderer for the sake of his own education. I redesigned the rendering pipeline again. I'm working harder not smarter.

Sunday, July 13, 2008

I just ride the wave...

Last week I was lucky enough to witness a man using jack hammer barefoot.

I spent the day working with floating point render targets.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Graphic Stories for a Graphic Game

The student union appears to employ a lot of reformed crystal methamphetamine addicts. They all have the same easy going upbeat attitude which can only be induced with anti psychotics, but the real give away is the particular style of tooth decay they share. I'm guessing that they are part of a court ordered combination rehab work program.

Their pay is exactly it's value more then what I make.

Graphic Stories for a Graphic Game:
I have been working harder and not smarter to flesh out the story line, to make it more exciting and to make it easier to identify with.

I should be done wrapping up the new rendering pipeline this weekend. This screen shot demonstrates per pixel lighting combined with an diffuse map, ambient map and specular map. Normal mapping and shadow casting await me.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Splitting the Train

Fairy tails have things like elves, goblins and magic jewelry, fairy tails are told by women to children. Are you a man who roll plays fairy tails? I have been thinking a lot about hero's lately. Real hero's are always the masculine embodiment of a man, who is alone capable of conquering his world, essentially the hero is an easy to identify masculine ideal. A hero is a romanticized alpha male. Hero's are made when normal men like you are forced into incredible situations (which cause your balls to drop). Incredible situations force you to become the man you always wished you were, and man your father could be proud of.

Whenever I felt like I was loosing focus walking the long hard road of solo game development, I would walk down to the large lake near my house. I would swim as far out as I could, I would swim until I felt like I could go no farther, I would swim until my body forced me to surrender, to give up, to quit. I would swim in the foolish attempt to conquer the instinctive will to survive, in the end I always surrendered to nature and would turn back. When I would finally make it back to the beach, I would pull myself onto the mud and lay and embrace my existence unconcerned or offended by the mud, bugs, stench or my own exhausted lack of breath.

One day my life changed, when I got to the point that I felt that I could swim no farther, I swam farther, I swam until I knew I would be unable to return, I kept swimming, harder and faster, forcing myself forward, weakening my body and strengthening my soul. I had decided that I would conquer survival, this lake was going to be my end, I overcame self preservation, I had chosen certain death by drowning via exhaustion. I swam completely across the lake and instead of pulling myself onto the shore, I walked out of the water. I started to puke, but I refused. My mind triumphed over my body. I defeated self preservation.

Last week I mentioned that the light at the end of the tunnel was actually a train named life careening towards you. I neglected to mention that once you conquer yourself you will become an unmovable blade of incredible density, capable of and destined to split that train named life. Once accomplished, you will be rewarded with the inability to hold a job or every have a normal life. Once you quit the program, once you have crossed that point of no return, that point at the center of the lake, you will find that nothing really matters and that what you believe doesn't really matter to anyone but yourself.


I remember one of my English teachers describing suffix "-cide" and how uncommon it is. She asked if any of us could think of words it's used in, someone said "pesticide" and teacher looked a little amazed, so I added "homicide, xenocide, fratricide, genocide, infanticide and suicide." My lesbian English teacher now looked a little uncomfortable. I have since learned some more words which take advnatage of the "-cide" suffix, autocide, deicide, democide, ethnocide, femicide, mariticide, parenticide, pseudocide, regicide, senicide, tomecide and uxoricide the killing of your wife. Shit your pants fun huh? Enjoy.

All quiet on the western front:
Thats what the German newspapers said when the allies broke through along the entire front while half a million German's died in the last two months of the war. Anyway I'm working on more story arcs and Gary is still pounding through tutorials.

Monday, July 7, 2008

Wooden Idols & Skid Marks!

My 4th of July was awesome, I bet yours sucked. My Lesson for next year is don't drink wine bottles like you would beer bottles!

One time I thought I was losing my hair, it was seriously freaking me the fuck out. It went on for around three months, I started checking out various hair care products that claimed to stop hair loss and regrow hair. I replaced my furnace and the old one turned out to be leaking carbon monoxide into the air circulation system. My hair loss stopped after the furnace replacement, lesson learned - heaters are for girls and men who embrace the cold will keep their hair when they are subversively attacked by furnaces.

News from the game development DMZ:
I spent the morning working on the new rendering engine, I added per pixel light, ambient and specular maps are on the agenda for tomorrow. I spent the afternoon working on story arcs, It's pretty exciting shit, I bet you will leave skid marks on your whitey-tighties.

Keep your butt puckered because Gary spent the day learning about graphics, one day he hopes to takeover the graphics development. If he eventually takes it over - I promise to carve him some wooden idols.

Thursday, July 3, 2008

Shit your pants fun!

When I started this project, I decided that if I was going to make the self imposed deadline, I simply wouldn't have time to both sleep and drink. I consigned myself to the fact that I would have to sacrifice one of my beloved upon the altar of progress.

Not sleeping is not as bad as you might have guessed, once you get past the first few days you accept that your productivity per hour has substantially decreased but the total number of hours available to be productive have nearly doubled, leaving you with positive progress. I can't ignore the fact that the overall quality of my life and noticeably decreased and I remind myself that I don't try, I just do. I'm selflessly putting progress before safety for your selfish unappreciative entertainment needs.

For those of you who appreciate my generous sacrifices upon the altar of progress, I would like to remind you that the light you see at the end of the tunnel, that you are dutifully running towards is actually a train named life and it's traveling fast, hard, and in your direction.

News of the battle of shader graphics:
Today I decided to rewrite the rendering engine again, it's failing to deliver on my demands. The new render interface is more streamlined, more exciting, more powerful and if everything goes as intended and expected it should be one of my final engagements on the graphics programming front.

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Dueling or Dancing? (with a train)

I have found an IDE build bug, and that makes me awesome, I have no idea how to fix it. I suggested to Gary that jumping in front of a bus would be more exciting and we got to discussing the details of jumping in front of buses. We concluded for the only way to be killed by a bus would entail you having to trick the bus driver into thinking that your a normal pedestrian and then at the last second you would have to dive in front of the bus so that the driver wouldn't have an oppertunity to stop in time. Ultimately I concluded that its much better to jump in front of a freight train, because it is very unlikely that they will be able to stop before hitting you. The train also gives you the oppertunity to test your commitment by facing certain death. Only dancers get out of the way of an oncoming train, are you a dancer?

Total commitment is burning bridges in both advance and retreat; never surrender and never relent.

That's how I live my life.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

"go away, I got a grip on it."

Yesterday I was eating chowmein and peking pork while playing one of those soulless scripted monstrosities of commercialism. I'm not going to bother naming names here... because all the pillow talking prostitutes are the same. I was around two hours deep and It felt like I was cheating on myself, which is a surprisingly confusing sensation. Two hours deep the game was still telling me which button to press when I got near objects like doors or walls. Honestly it felt like I was trying to jerk off for the first time with with someone holding my free hand and telling me what to do, which was nice for the first few minute. But then it was distracting and I knew it was going to be hard to finish, like when someone interrupts you when your going solo in your parents guest bathroom.

News from the disillusioned front:
Gary as polygonal collision detection sorted out. However he started walking really hard when he tried to get proper collision response. I forced him to take a break and work on something else, so right now he is working on improving power train response. Harder and Faster.

Scott (Sk1zot) liked Brandon's car so much that trashed it up hard with a new shitbird styled texture.

Monday, June 30, 2008

Six inches deep in soap bars.

Marketing indy video games is a lot like procreating, you have to keep on it.

Some of you are aware that I'm looking for a new place to live. I responded to a craigs list advertisement for a fully furnished house at a good price near the school. The poster responds with a two page e-mail trying to prove the authenticity of his situation, he claims that he was transfered by his employer to the port if Nigeria and that his transfer got extended so he wants to rent his house. Immediately I think it's a scam, so I play it out, I keep making all these objections and getting him to agree to them, I keep nit picking and negotiating and he agrees to everything. He spent the entire day trying to prove to me that he trusts me and that I should return his trust. I start asking him for move in specials. His initial play for $1600 turns into a play for $400... and he keeps trying... Eventually he gets frantic and tells me that he will mail me the keys if I wire him the $400. Anyway, to sum everything up... I reported him to craigslist under the law enforcement flag... I wonder how many people he took with this little scam, I'm thinking that game development is kinda like being an artist, but for smart people.

News from the front:
Brandon is back and more intense. He made a new more awesome car. Embrace the 1973 Lincoln Continental Mk. IV

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Pillow Talking Prostitutes

Honestly, aren't you tired of games with bizarre ambient light schemes? Blue's and greens, yellows and lames? I promise to you, no light without a source!

Do you remember the last time you were happy playing a game? You can be delivered from senseless linear game scripting only if you take my hand and surrender and embrace your own conclusionless fate. Once you have a taste of my style you will never be the same, and the next time you play a soulless scripted monstrositie of commercialism you will feel like your cheating on me with a pillow talking prostitute. Because that's what commercial games are - pillow talking prostitutes. Commercial games have fancy graphics, fancy voice acting, an an army of coders, just like how expensive escorts have fancy makeup, fancy voice acting and an army of makeup artists.

I'm not saying that my game will make you happy, I hope it wont. My game is going to be like a whore working the streets solo. And like a whore working the streets solo, you need to embrace your own hopeless future. Before you can break free and take control of your life you need to abandon that one hundred and four pulse a year payday ball and chain scam.

Anyway, on the coding front:
I added shock waves and sprite effects today. Most game dev blogs talk about... whatever, I can't bare to read them so I'm going to do you a favor and not talk about how exciting game development is.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Friendly Zombies (Artists Wanted!)

Do you embrace hopelessness and disillusionment? I'm Looking for 3d artists with vices. Do you have a vice that you could translate into dilapidated buildings or vicious characters?

We are located in Sacramento, CA. It would be fantastic if you lived within comfortable driving distance.

For more information shoot me an e-mail at (SERVER ISSUES)

Friday, June 27, 2008

Real Super Powers For Real Super Heros!

One of the real payoffs with being able to drink everyone else under the table is that you always end up drinking alone, because your always the last one drinking. Some people might consider that a rewarding payoff... others won't remember it. I like to think that this power of mine will make me better at drinking and driving games.

Anyway, real games for real men. Transitioning from the directx8 fixed pipeline to the XNA programmable pipeline has been a challenge for me, but I think it's paying off. This evening I painlessly added bloom, anti aliasing and colored lighting. Exciting huh?

I sacrifice myself upon the alter of transgression - for you.

Yesterday I was looking for an apartment to live in, I stopped my car and got out to grab a flyer for a building in midtown. This old homeless black guy was pushing his shopping cart down the street at quarter pace, his cart was full of neatly folded dirty corduroys, he was wearing a helmet and carrying a forty of miller. He offered me some, it was really flat, I gave him a five and told him to get himself a fresh one and not to save it for later this time.

Anyway, here is an exciting screenshot, the whitish images on the top left show distance projections from the lights perspective and the little images just to the right show the end results before blending.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

I sacrifice myself upon the altar of progress - for you.

I spent the day walking hard. I drank a lot of beer and took a nap. When I awoke, I in five minutes of dogged forceful coding added support for multiple dynamic light sources, each capable of casting shadows. I like to tell the girls that I'm a coding hero and sometimes they buy it.

This isn't a screen shot of multiple lights in action. However, this screen shot demonstrates textured light projections.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Dead Channels

I found myself wondering this morning if our hero is a bad guy? Project 2K8 isn't black and white, it isn't shades of grey - it's the static of a television tuned to a dead channel. Or maybe it's just the jammer on the porno channel you're to cheap too subscribe to...

You need to ask yourself, are there pictures hidden in the static? And if there are, ask yourself if you're watching the static or the porn hidden in the static?

Project 2K8 isn't going to leave you empty. Like a raw blood transfusion, when it's over, you will be glad it's over and you will never want to do it again. But it will always be there, penetrating your every action, your every reflection, skewing your perception. It will be in your mind, tuning down the contrast, adjusting your tracking and destroying your life. You will be like a bad snuff film, where you're the only actor and the only one who gets hurt.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Bringing hope to a war ravaged world...

I spent the last two day working harder for a better and more masculine tomorrow. I'm learning about graphics shaders.... so I impress upon you the power of headlights vs nighttimeness and the exhilarating shadows that they imbue.

Gary has been walking hard all week - however, he has been making real progress towards the implementation of better collision detection and realistic responses to collisions. The lesser god of automotive physics and video game implementations is guiding him on his long and arduous path of outer enlightenment in the hopes of bringing hope to a war ravaged world.

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Save your bullets for the living!

I have transgressed, I have been shooting the zombies. Everyone knows that blades don't need to be reloaded therefor your bullets should be saved for things that shoot back (like the living). The lesser siamese twin god of zombie brutality who rides within the giant flying stone head of universal brutality and exceptional violence has smiled upon my game development endeavors. I finished up the first projectile prototype this morning. It's very efficient and it's development was accompanied by some new character sorting methods that carried over into the render system. The undead do not die, they simply become less functional. Profound huh?

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

I don't try - I just do

That glorious time has come! The gods of game development have smiled upon me - and in turn the gods of game appreciation smile upon you. Honestly, I find any pantheon of gods far more appealing then a single god. I simply find it hard to identify with a single omnipotent god, even if that god is not only the embodiment of grace, but more importantly wrath. So for now on, Total Commitment Games is going to be a polytheistic workplace, therefor the lesser god of screen captures and pre-alpha video game marketing grants you a sneak peek behind the digital curtain of exclusivity and depravity.

I bet your pumped like an addict on his way to the crack house!

Monday, May 5, 2008

Lone or Alone?

Alone is an unfortunate predicament, lone is an aesthetic choice.

Ask yourself, are you alone or lone?


Escapism is the bait - transgression is the meat.

All paths end with disillusionment.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Combat Demo!

I bet I tricked you for a second!

I have begun the assembly of a list of required capabilities for the combat demo. The demo includes cars, a small selection of weapons and at least four types of enemies. Expect this list to grow over the next couple of days.

Graphics Systems:
Skeletal Animation (Adapt XNA Sample)
Shadow Casting
Day & Night Cycles
Basic Weather (Clear, Overcast, Raining, Storming)
Particle Systems

Game Play:
Improve Car Physics (some more...)
Projectiles & Hit Detection

Expanded Map File Type
Car Component Database
Improved Enemy Decision Making
New Map Data Format & New Features

Actor Content:
(Idle, Walk, Run, Rifle, Pistol, Punch, Kick, Die)
Zombie Type A (Day)
Zombie Type B (Night)
Human Type A (Neutral)
Human Type B (Enemy)

Weapon Content
Guns (38 Special, GI 1911, Sawed Off Pump Action, 22 Rifle, 308 Rifle)
Weapons that don't need reloading (machete, shiv, kitchen knife, iron pipe, hammer)

Map Content:
Ruined City Tileset
Additional Cars
Generic Burned Out Objects


Friday, April 25, 2008

No More Magic Numbers!

Game Developers know what I'm talking about. The rest of you cretins... it's probably not worth explaining it to. But I will, because I'm caring and awesome at the same time. Magic numbers are numbers discovered through trail and error that make flawed algorithms function more appropriately.

For example, if the car is traveling way to fast, the magic number generator in my head would suggest multiplying the velocity by 0.001, and if the car is still to fast, I would add a zero and then another... or if the torque conversion is to low, I might multiply the torque output by 10 or 150.

Anyway, the upshot is that the vehicle power train no longer has any magic numbers. The engine power band is properly modeled, the transmission converts torque accurately and wheel feedback works correctly.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Real Progress for a Better Tomorrow

Thats right, were making tangible progress; which feels good, because so much progress in game development isn't aesthetically or intuitively tangible. A better tomorrow, probably not; project2K8 isn't going to be a friendly game. Every time you make a decision in game you will lose a little piece of your real life soul. I bet you don't believe me, but you will. When your burned out and more alone and more depressed, you will blame me. And I bet you will be thankful that I gave you the opportunity to experience my nightmarish vision.

"Like a snuff film, but your the only actor and the only one who gets hurt."

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Moratorium on Screenshots

Thats right, I have imposed a moratorium on screenshots until content development starts.

Friday, April 4, 2008

Play Test

Starting play testing this weekend - maybe.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Picture In Picture

I restructured the projects rendering system to allow a very flexible picture in picture setup. Hopefully this new system will allow a more dynamic and exciting game interface.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

Multiple Actors Test

Occurred to me that I should probably test the system I wrote two weeks ago for handling zombies and cars, and I'm very happy that the test went off without a hitch. I suppose I could start prototyping game play, but I think I'm going to keep working on the world data format.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

New Game

That's right, after a half year of success induced booze related unproductive inactivity I'm making a new game! I formed the same team and were playing our B game. Are you ready for Zombies and Blood? Horsepower and Depravity? They all go together in my world. I feel good about how this game will make you feel, it's like a snuff film where your the only actor and your the only one who gets hurt.

Until a name is chosen we will refer to this game as "Project 2K8"